Mood:  not sure

I am just a little sick today.  I have been sick for a few days now and today has been rough.  My cousin and her sister in law are here from New York for the holidays.  Her mother died September a year ago so this time of year is hard for her.  This is the second Christmas with out her. 

I am dreading the kids leaving tomorrow.  I am more dreading their dad being here to pick them up.  I can't say what my son has told me because then he will get yelled at this weekend and get in trouble and be miserable.  Which so isn't fair, I mean why should he pay for telling me something that made him cry so much and that really is against the law.  You can't say you should have killed someone... last time I checked.  Then he told my son "now you can go home and tell your mom that and see what she has to say about it". 

I don't know what to do about it.  I don't want the kids to never see him again but I also don't want him to be abusing them like this either.  I also have to make sure that I have enough to make it stop or else my youngest son will just really get yelled at and mistreated for "telling" on his father. 

Does anyone have any suggestions about this?  I don't want their dad to know he told me cuz he will get in even more "trouble" with his dad and I will feel like that would be my fault but I can't let him do this to him either.... Any suggestions???

Mood:  happy

Welcome to my first entry in my new blog!

I am a single mother with two wonderful little boys.  My youngest son has ADHD and my oldest has Neurofibromatosis Type 1, severe Tracheomalacia, a tracheostomy, is on a ventilator, a feeding tube and has nursing care in our home up to 16 hours per day.

I have an ex husband that is really hard to deal with.  When we first separated over 5 years ago he became even more violent and unpredicatble then he was when we were married and I ended up getting a protective order placed on him soon after we separated. 

I am unable to work a “real job” due to lack of reliability of nursing coverage and no one else available to watch my son.  I recently filed for a review of the child support because of the drastic increase in his pay and now we are having to go to court to let the judge decide that DCSE (child support enforcemnt) made the rigth decision and we are arguing again.  I hope it doesn’t escalate to the protective order stage again but my kids have come home telling me of the “I should have killed her” comments he has made. 

Anyway, I found the ProBlogger page tonight and wanted to get some blogging experience so I can apply for a ProBlogger Job and one day have a home for me and my children other than living with my mom.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that I have a place to live for the time being but the future is uncertain.  My mom is 73 and had surgery for cancer this past summer for the second time.  She has a reverse mortgage on her home and when something happens to her we either have to pay off that loan or move out and we only have 90 days to do one or the other.  I really want to be able to provide a home and a secure future for my kids and to help lift some of the pressure off my shoulders. 

So… help me out…. come back, read my blog, help me to get my experience blogging and all constructive criticism is welcome!